Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the  only  thing in life!!

Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair  that some men should be  happier than others.
–Oscar Wilde

Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
–Scottish Proverb

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for  two years.
–Sam Kinison

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you  expensive answers that your  wife will give you for free.

Men have a better time than women; for one thing,  they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.
–H. L. Mencken

“A man without a woman is like a fish without a  bicycle.”
– U2

Marriage is a three ring circus:
–engagement ring
–wedding ring

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,  you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding  her way back.

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our  anniversary?”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been!”
I told her, “How about the kitchen?”

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I  too late for the garbage?”
Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump  in!”

Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses  to ever get married.
He says “the wedding rings look too much like  minature handcuffs…..”

If your dog is barking at the back door and your  wife is yelling at the  front  door, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course…at least he’ll shut up after  you let him in!

“Marriage is a romantic story, in which hero dies in the first chapter”.